No shame...

I just licked the bowl to get every drop of ranch dressing possible.

I did measure the serving (2 TBSP) first!  I wanted to be sure to get my FULL 4 POINTS+ worth!!!  (holy crap.)

I also ate it with carrots and cucumber (not plain) to get a veggie serving in.

In other news, don't buy a mini-bag of Skittles to cope with helplessness and then put the info in the points calculator when you are in the car ready to tear the thing open and pour them in your mouth. 

6PTS+ people!! ONE TINY BAG OF SKITTLES.  DELICIOUS CANDY GOODNESS.  6!!!

BAH.

I didn't eat it though.  The bag is still sitting in my purse.  Taunting me.

Small victories. 


There are three loaves of oatmeal bread baking in the oven right now.

And you can bet your ass I am having a slice with butter when they are done. 

A post of random...

I've been reading:
Kelle's blog- and I don't want kids!! Her family, of course, is beautiful, and reading about Nella's developments and how Lainey is growing up is a pleasant escape for me.  Foreign, but an escape that I love.  Plus, she is a good writer.
Lisa's blog--she updates more, and it is awesome for me because she actually lives in PDX.  I love that her posts are so varying, and she too is a good writer.
Beth's blog--I am envious of her success, and hopeful that I could attain her levels of success via WW.  She just hit her goal weight after 2+ years.  Pretty effing cool.

I've been creating homemade STDs (Save the Dates--you oh so gross readers out there!):
(I'll post pictures once I mail them out and people get them, I'd like them to be a semi-surprise!)

I've been working on designing our invitations and learning how to use Adobe Illustrator.  It isn't as easy as I thought, and I am definitely NOT a graphic designer, and I have a great deal more respect for those gifted with such abilities. 

I've been searching Etsy for ideas for baby gifts I can make my pregnant amazing friend--she who is the first of us "grad-school girls" who took the leap and is going to have a baby later this summer. And wedding ideas--I really, really, really want a giant tu-tu....that's purple.

I've been working out.  Getting back on the wagon of really enjoying the power I feel when I am active and consistently working out.

I've been antsy and in need of projects.  Today I made three loaves of bread (1 banana--new recipe) and 2 oatmeal--my grandpa's that was his mom's.  I play football with a couple who is getting married later this summer, and they asked me if I could help with their wedding website.  HECK YES!! So I have started on that...(I'll link to it when there is more than blank pages!)

I've been applying for any job I can.  I am getting desperate.  OR cut off my unemployment, and I can't get emergency benefits because I worked in WI.  WI now is paying me unemployment, but it is a $53 cut.  I hate money.

I've been getting rejected from jobs.  I am not qualified to be a customer service rep for Netflix, clean in a hospital, or be a secretary/file in a law office. 

So.  That's what I have been up to.  I need to drink more water, write more, make a decision about future academic pursuits (change in career? grad school in English?), and keep working out.  I need to track my food consistently, and avoid the grocery store after I work out.  Seriously, it is the devil.

Finally,  I'd like to shout out to those of you still reading.  Thank you to my friends, and to the other random readers out there.  Your support and encouragement, and just knowing you are there means a great deal to me.  Thank you!!!!

:) Sunshine

Note...

My sister is in town.
I haven't been eating right.
My knee is pretty effed, but I am living in the land of denial.
I am not weighing in today.  Or this week. 
I suck.

Sick...

All I want to do is drink coke zero and eat bread. 
I am making myself workout tomorrow--I don't care if I keel over.  I am sick of felling lethargic and yukky. And I was doing awesome this month working out!!  GRRRRRR. 

Days like this...

I so get why people give up.

All I wanted to do after practice was eat ice cream and french fries. 

But, I ate an apple, came home and ate potato wedges that we had in the freezer for a long time now (that tasted like the freezer--yet I kept eating them), and 1 1/2 waffle that was frozen from Sunday.

Never mind that I barely let the waffle thaw out before inhaling it. 

I was doing pretty well today, but a rough practice set me off for carb-inhalation. 

And I wasn't even really hungry.  That's the worst part about this. 

In other news, my Polar watch should be in my hands tomorrow (don't tell L), and maybe that will keep me occupied for a while.  I really need a job, I am losing it. 

Sick and random.

L's been sick since Tuesday--he even stayed at home on Wednesday (a rarity!).
I can tell I am sick/getting sick.  I was going to try my first Green Monster this morning (milk, flax seeds, spinach, banana, frozen blueberries, frozen peaches), but all I wanted was some comfort food.  I ate some Cinnamon toast with butter and am having a diet soda.  The bubbles soothe my throat.  Or my brain.  One of the two.

The O-Line all contributed to get me a plane ticket so I could go to the LA game on Saturday--I am so lucky to have this team in my world right now.  Imagine giving money to fly someone to a game where she won't even play.  I am very lucky.  So I am making cookies to bring to thank them.  Gingersnap dough I made yesterday, so all I had to do was form/sugar them and bake them today.  I want to make snickerdoodles for them too, but all I can think about right now is a nap.

I don't want to miss WillPower and Grace and Yoga tonight.  I am going to try to force myself to go no matter how I feel. 

I have been reading about different cleanse ideas to try.  I even planned out next Monday-Friday to try a healthy cleanse.  My eating habits are horrific as of late, and I need to get back on track.  I do wonder if I can hold myself to a full 5-day cleanse.  But I chose all the different meals/snacks that sounded good, so I should be able to if I just put my mind to it right?  That is my biggest challenge. 

The rain is seriously getting to me.  The first three years I was here I handled the rain much better.  I am just so over it right now.  It is dreary, cold, gross, and I am sick of it.  I'll only be in LA for about 24 hours, and it will be a super change in temperature (we are going to SWEAT in our pads/helmets)--but I am SO looking forward to seeing the sun and feeling warmth.

Eyelids shutting....need nap.

Grumpy...

And it's nice out!  I don't want to be grumpy, but grown-up life is not cooperating with me as of late. 
Here is one thing that grump-i-fied me today.
What I saw in the grocery store:

Please note that full-sugar soda--12 cans--costs $1.98.  A 12 pk. of fizzy water with no sodium, sugar, or additives = $4.15.

:(

Hmmm. In this economy, which choice do you think families make?  I didn't get either, nor did I get even one bottle of Coke Zero (even though I was seriously Jonezing for one) because I am poor.  I haven't been drinking any fizzy water lately because of finances, but this just irked me to no end.  I like fizzy water. I like the bubbliness of it.  It satisfies my soda craving, and isn't bad for me.  But it costs a good amount of money.  So, I have been drinking plain tap water.  With fresh lemon juice in it.  It is very exciting.
Not.

I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it NOW.

Being unemployed sucks on all levels.  Especially when I want to get this to help me in my quest.  I've read the reviews, I am fighting my fear of HRM and my larger girth, and I want it!!!  Blargh. 

Polar doesn't offer a variety of colors, but this one totally caught my eye.

The reviews say that this watch is easy to set up, the strap fits around all sizes (big and little), and it is a "life-changer."

I am nervous though because the little pod to connect it to the computer is extra, as well as any GPS functions.  I have my iPhone, so the GPS is a non-point, but since I am at the computer all the time, I'd want to have it be able to easily sync up.  But since I am too poor to even get the watch, the connector pod thingy is out of the question.

I can dream.  And save the non-existent extra money I have.  Maybe Christmas.  Maybe I will combine all of my rewards for my goals and when I hit my target weight, then I can get this.

The only problem being, this watch and its features would actually help me GET TO MY GOAL WEIGHT.

Argh.

And then I read Lori's blog about her new shoes.  And I fell in love.  And thought maybe magic shoes would make running more palatable for me.   And they aren't as expensive as I thought--clearly any purchase at all is expensive for me at this point, but still--these are WAY more reasonable than I originally anticipated!

I've lost my motivation for running--I think the rain is a clear villian in addition to my hatred for it--but I *think* nicer weather will be headed PDX's way soon, which will *hopefully* help in my motivation for running outside (I hope)--I am actually missing it.  I went back to C25K W6D1 with my own modifications the last nice non-raining day here (A WEEK AGO), and it felt good--I really think I am more about alternating walking/running--which I need to just accept and use it to my advantage. 

Either way, if I had a spare $300 in my world, these two items would be on a delivery truck headed for my house in 7-10 days. 

Dear Entire Bag of Macaroni and Cheese Potato Chips,

Au Revoir my ex-friend.

We are NOT friends anymore. 

You hurt my guts. 

I know that I am partially responsible for this severance.
I ate you in two sittings. 8 servings. 2 sittings.
One of the sittings occurred on the way back from Target.

In the car. 

You see, I was seduced by your salty, cheesey, crispy, goodness. 
Now, I must completely avoid the entire SECTION that you and your cousins occupy in the grocery store (or Target or Fred Meyer).  The fat, and gross, and icky feelings that follow your consumption are not worth the intital heavenly salty crunch that comes with the first bite. 

I guess I thought eating A GINORMOUS amount of brocolli would compensate for finishing you off this afternoon. 

IT DIDN'T.

I REALLY wanted brocolli for lunch.

Hey--At least there is calcium in these!

I am impressed that the first ingredient is actually potatoes!

And now my guts hurt, I feel disgusting, and I have to workout today.  So much for taking a day off.  Thanks ex-friend.  I know you remind me of slumber parties and weekend afternoons with my dad in front of the tv.  I know that you are reminiscent of BBQs and high school, family gatherings and gramma and grandpa's house. 

But, I need to stay away.  Dude--have you SEEN your list of ingredients, your calories or your fat content???? Never mind that ONE serving of you is 4 pts+!!!!!!!!  Did I mention that I ate ALL OF YOU IN ONE SITTING???  8 SERVINGS. 

Yup. This is over.  Sorry to break it to you online, but it had to be done. 

Baking Debacle...

Don't ask.

Note to self. Read the directions carefully before proceeding to follow the order of ingredients.

Handwriting Fun: (or, avoiding things that need to be done...)

Borrowed this idea from Kaitlin: the activity fit well in the moment. 
Do it too and then post a link!
Here are the questions:
1. What is your name / blogger name?
2. What is your blog URL?
3. Write: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.”
4. Favorite quote?
5. Favorite song?
6. Favorite band / singers?
7. Anything else you want to say?
8. Tag 3-5 other people.

  Do it!!!
Happy Sunday!