11 July 2012

Letting it get to me...

and I am not working out like I should be.  I am eating poorly as well.

The thought that I will have to live apart from my husband in order to have a job is really bothering me.      I need to just live in the moment, stop sleeping so much, and be glad for what I have.  Things could be so much worse, I could be in much more dire circumstances.  Things will work out.  Everything happens for a reason, I will be ok, and we will be ok.  

02 July 2012

Oh how little I've learned....

Or at least, how little I've changed...

I won't get on the scale (yet) because I am sure that I am back where I started oh so long ago.  All the hard work I put in, completely negated by very poor choices, and the last two months of eating without any regard to portion sizes or calories paired with not working out. At.All.  Yikes.

Body Pump was brutal today, as was Zumba before, but I burned 551 calories during Zumba and 583 calories during Body Pump.  Clearly supporting the fact that I have gained a significant amount of weight, as well as falling back out of shape.
I also have lost all the strength I had built up when I was a rockstar at the gym for several months in a row.

I can see the heaviness I've gotten back in my face, and I feel it in my clothes--and I am pretty grossed out at this point.  I know there has to be a better balance in my life, and I know that I have to figure it out sooner rather than later.  I know the benefits to being healthier, and I know that I feel 10000000X better when I am in shape and lighter and eating right.  I love how I feel when I am more active, and I like being active more when I am lighter.

I need to get back on track, and when I get my first paycheck I hope to re-join WW while I am in Wisconsin to get back into good patterns.  I was much more successful with the accountability and  tracking and overall methods, and I am going to need something as I will be far away from my husband and life here in Oregon and don't want to lose complete control which I could see happen.  I just wish there were 24 hour Fitness clubs out there.  That will be something else I need to think about.

I am not beating myself up (maybe I should be more than I am), nor am I feeling sorry for myself.  I know what the research says about the first year of marriage and  weight gain betwixt partners, and I know what to do to make things better.  I just have chosen not to.  I need to take my advice and make good choices myself.  I guess I just have been existing in the world where I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted and have no consequences.  I don't know why--that was in effing HIGH SCHOOL for goodness sake.  BAH.

I'm working on things.