Stupid knee

I know that Zumba and squats and lunges are not good for my knee--especially when it still aches.  But I am stubborn and I want to be able to work out since it is the only thing I am doing on a consistent basis (other than bemoaning my unemployment and feeling sorry for myself).  I'm not sure if it is pre-birthday grumpiness or just general grumpiness, but this week has sucked.  L's in Miami until Friday.
I'm just unhappy.  I am working on it.

In other news, I love my Soda machine:

I am obsessed with it.  I am already on CO2 cartridge #2 (the LARGE one too!) (I got it for Christmas from my mother and stepfather in-law).  There is a Coke Zero imitation I don't mind, and the Diet Cola isn't bad either.   L got me the fruit flavors to add and those aren't bad, and the diet grapefruit and diet cran-raspberry are also really good.  But I really just like the fizzy water.  

I also made slutty brownies from Pinterest for bookclub and they are to die for.  But only in small doses.  

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Ponderful...

Currently filled with frustrations.

I am not the only one though, it seems that "falling off the bus" happens to everyone.  Lisa consistently struggles with her eating choices,  Beth has had a great realization about her eating habits, Sheryl is taking time off from the electronic world, and even Kelly, one of my favorite Body Pump instructors--who is super athletic, fit, and THIN, struggles with body image/social expectations of the ideal.

So I am in with an amazing lot of successful and talented women, all struggling as I do every day.  And I allow myself to feel sorry for myself because I don't have a job at the moment--and throw myself a pity party, pin more things on pinterest, read, and eat carbs.

I have been going to the gym at least three times a week.  The new Body Pump release is brutal, so I am not going as often as I should, and I am letting the dreary, blustery, wet, gross weather keep me indoors rather than leave to go to the crowded gym beyond my must-go-to-and-get-my-spot-in-the-back-of-the-room-because-I'm-anal Body Pump classes.  Besides the fact that I jacked up my knee (again) from Zumba two weeks ago.

I have been cooking all our meals.  I meal plan on Sunday, and now L and I don't have a competition as to who can be the least helpful when coming up with a dinner plan when he gets home from work.
What I am making for meals is another story...but I have been taking baby steps.  This week I hope to throw in at least two healthy meals and watch my portions.  Starting small will hopefully help.


It sucked when I realized that someone I once thought was my friend, really isn't my friend, and might not have ever been my friend.  It's hard to get past when there is no meeting of the minds or understanding.

Did you know that the government gives gas vouchers to parents who have had their children taken into custody?  Oh the things I am learning as a CASA about our government.

Ok.  Hopefully that is enough negative nelly-ness for now.

...

I want to walk today--it's actually not raining, but last Friday I totally jacked my right knee (I think during Zumba), and it hurts like it did when I was jogging.  I went to Body Pump on Tuesday (the first workout since Friday), and skipped yesterday to try to rest my knee and I feel disgusting.  I have been totally eating carbs and sugar (way too much) and feel my clothes not fitting.  I am uncomfortable in my own skin and I know what needs to happen.  So I am taking baby steps.  I planned out dinner last night and tonight, and this weekend I want to plan all the meals for next week to avoid mindless crappy eating.

And that is my life in a nutshell.  So exciting that I want to barf.

YES! I need a project!

Check out the project HERE, and if you have a spare moment, you should get involved too!!!

I realized yesterday that I do much better when I am SUPER busy.  So, this will be the next project.  AND it is non-food related--double bonus!  YAY!

Back to old patterns...

Yep. I've been avoiding life.  I've been avoiding the scale, eating right, writing, and the outside world.  I haven't been avoiding working out.  I am averaging 5x a week, and have been walking outside taking advantage of the nice weather (i.e. not rain).  I haven't stopped going to Body Pump (3x a week) either.

It hasn't helped in the whole lose-weight journey.

I'm up to 247.5

And I am aware that if I was eating right, I'd be dropping weight readily.  And it should be more of a focus and a priority for me.  Instead, I tell myself, "after the holidays," or "when I get a job"...Neither of which are healthy approaches.  I know.  I am grappling with the fact that I most likely won't get to teach again, and I am not sure what I CAN do for a living.  I have been applying for jobs left and right, and can't even get a response--from administrative assistant, to a corrections officer, to classroom assistant, to various state jobs, to--get this--McDonald's.  NO RESPONSES.  It is heartbreaking.  Ok.  That's all for now.  I just haven't fallen off the earth, though that might be more exciting than my actual real life at this point.

Stinky on the domestic front.

Since I am still unemployed (grumble grumble), I try to keep up with cleaning the house and chores.  Which I hate.  Which, I told L when we first met, "I don't clean."

Yeah.  Things change when you lose the ability to financially contribute.

So today I thought I'd tackle one of my nemesis's, the filthy oven and stove top.  I tried a home cleaner from pintrest, but made the mistake of first starting the oven's cleaning cycle (which actually goes for 4 hours!!).  While the home-made cleaner worked, it took many rinsings to semi-get the solution off,  and I don't think my choice to do both cleanings at once was beneficial--the heat dried the solution so it became crusty and flaky, which I will now have to vacuum and mop because of the mess that transferred to the floor.

And now there are still at least two hours more to go for the oven's cycle, and my house STINKS.  Even with the windows open.

So, overall, the results today: stinky house, super scrubbing and eternal rinsing with still a not 100% clean stovetop, messy floor  = I SHOULDN'T CLEAN. EVER.

:(

mini-ugly dog 1; me 0

Yup. Bit by a dog.
The rain held up enough yesterday afternoon (Friday), and I was irked that I didn't walk very long on Thursday, so I set off.  I had an awesome pace going on, and was about 10 minutes from home at a park when I saw a lady with her little, as I call them "shit-mouthed dog," on a leash walking towards a garbage can.  I was in my own world, listening to my fantasy football podcast, and as I saw the dog and the owner head for the sidewalk, I started to look down towards my feet until we passed each other.  As much as I really do love dogs, I don't like little yippy dogs (annoying), and I don't like to make eye contact with people on my walks...I don't know why I am like this, I just am.  Anyway, I am walking, looking down and away from little crap dog and her owner, when suddenly the dog lunges at my thigh, nips once to attempt a grip, then twice tearing at my pants and biting my leg.  The owner was in shock, she pulled it off me as a scrap of my pants fluttered from the dog's mouth as I stood in shock.  I was just minding my own business. I didn't even look at the ugly dog--it wasn't an awesome dog like the greyhounds and great danes and labs that live by me, it was an ugly thing like this:

WTF did I do to make it attack me?

  

So, since I am a total nimrod, I looked at the owner and she had complete terror in her eyes and she said "I am so sorry."  I mumbled, "That's allright," AND KEPT WALKING.  

Yes. I am a dumbass.

Why am I a dumb ass?  Well, I was wearing my favorite workout pants, and they are now ruined.  I didn't even get the name of the person whose dog attacked me, and as people on facebook pointed out to me, what if it had been a little kid that the dog bit--or bites next?

I am more mad about my pants being wrecked than anything else. 

Today I am bruised around the bite area, and I am feeling guilty for not reporting it.  So I will.  I guess i get frustrated by our litigious society and didn't want anything bad to happen to the dog or its owner, even if I was attacked unprovoked, it really isn't that big of a deal.

But the more I think about this, the angrier I get.  Anyone else in my situation would have stopped the owner and gotten her information and reported the bite right away.

Who else but my dumb ass would be more concerned about keeping my awesome walking pace going than stopping for valuable information?

ARGH.  I wish I was more assertive sometimes.

I'm just not.  :(

YUK.

Random...

I can't believe how much strength I've lost missing eight Body Pump classes (two weeks away from the gym), and I feel super useless.  Some of the problems might come from being sick--I have some sort of a cold that  I can't shake, but overall I am feeling very wussy.  Normally I am the one with the heaviest bar during our 6 minutes of squats (35lbs on each side of the bar--even more than any guy in class), but I came back and wanted to take it easy so I could still walk, and doing just 20lbs on each side makes me want to die.

The good thing about this though is that I want to work hard to get back to where I was and even more!  It is a super-power trip to be strong, and I want to continue to get stronger.

The weather blows today.  I think winter is officially here in the NW, and luckily I took advantage of the day yesterday and went for a nearly three-mile walk.  It felt really good and it is something I want to get back in to--even if it isn't jogging/running, at least I am off my ass and moving.  Only attending Body Pump classes with an occasional Zumba class thrown in isn't cutting it.  Especially considering how I have been fueling my body.

That topic is for another day.