Realizations...

I have reached a critical juncture in this journey.

The last time I was really serious about WW, I never really "finished."

I was hard-core for a while, but I don't even know how many months I remained dedicated. Of course there were some slip-ups, but I would get back on track and do well again, but then I finally just let my hard work slip away and gave up.

I have completed six full months of WW, working at bad habits attempting to recompense for 16 years of treating my body (my self) like crap.  I really don't want to slip again.

But I feel that the slipping up is slowly creeping up on me.  The weekends are the worst.  So are birthday celebrations with L's family--my birthday starts it all off, and then it's L's bday, then his brother's, and then his step-brother, and then his step-sister....all of which include eating as the celebration, which I enjoy being a part of.  Each weekend brings another sabotage WHICH I ALLOW. 

It isn't hard to make better choices, to make more healthy options for pot-luck events, to make "healthy" dates with friends or L, but I haven't made these healthier choices. It's about moderation--when I know that a celebration is coming, don't make unhealthy decisions during the other days.  PLAN better. 

I feel myself leaning towards taking the easy way out, giving up and returning to old habits.  I tell myself, "it's only two slices of bread with butter..." and then that becomes 4 or 6 pieces...which leads to donuts and other choices that are the bane of my existence--(it is really hard for me to eat bread in moderation).  That is why I try to avoid certain foods--even though that option isn't really working either.

So, I need to take a step back, reevaluate, and reconsider how much progress I have made because of healthy choices. 

How content and proud I am when I meet all the healthy checks, when I track everything I put in my mouth, and when I work out.  How good it really does feel when I push myself past the "I don't want to" phase and exist within the "It is much healthier for me long term when I take care of myself" realm. 

And I do love the results I am seeing--I can wear shirts I haven't been able to since before meeting L.  I don't really have any jeans I like because they are either too big or WAY too small (from a LONG time ago). I need to keep reminding myself of all I've done, celebrate, and not think so much of where I still want to go.