Conundrum...

I want to increase my speed.
Pretty much everything I've read says that one of the easiest ways to increase speed is:

to lose weight.

Well, that is helpful.

I think I will have to just put some patience pants on (which I DO NOT OWN), and tough it out.

Still depressing. 

I hate running on the treadmill. It sucks.  Today I tried interval training (another way to increase speed), and with the tv on the treadmill not working, and me wanting to die during the "work" intervals, I wanted to poke my eyes out.
Here is what I did:

Interval	How to Run
Warm up	Slowly jog for 5 minutes.
Work Interval	3 minutes at 20 seconds faster than your 5K race pace
Rest Interval	Recover (easy pace) for 3 minutes.
Work Interval	3 minutes at 20 seconds faster than your 5K race pace
Rest Interval	Recover (easy pace) for 3 minutes.
Work Interval	3 minutes at 20 seconds faster than your 5K race pace
Rest Interval	Recover (easy pace) for 3 minutes.
Work Interval	3 minutes at 20 seconds faster than your 5K race pace
Rest Interval	Recover (easy pace) for 3 minutes.
Work Interval	3 minutes at 20 seconds faster than your 5K race pace
Rest Interval	Recover (easy pace) for 3 minutes.
Cool down	Slowly jog for 5 minutes.

Thanks active.com!

*Please note that my "20 seconds faster than...5K race pace" is pretty pathetic.  And it was STILL REALLY HARD FOR ME.

Facing the Music...Weigh-In Monday

WW Scale:  230.4
Wii Fit:  226.0

NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!!

WEIGHT WATCHERS WORKS.
TRACKING FOOD WORKS.


Blargh. 

All the hard work.  Semi-down-the-toilet.  ARGH. 

Normally, I would just give up. 
This would be the conversation in my head:
See?  You aren't going to be successful at this.  See? You can't even lose weight every week.  See?  You might as well just eat what you want, go to the store, get some chips and pizza and donuts--pig out--you are a failure anyway. Look at how much you've gained.  See? You'll always be fat.  Just eat.  You know you want to.  You've missed the gorging and the happiness bad food gives you...C'mon...just eat...

And today, I will fight that voice.  I will pick myself up and go to the gym and be proud of the 4 miles I ran yesterday--the 49 minutes and 25 seconds STRAIGHT that I ran.  Even if I am slow (my mom walks faster than I run!), I can jog for 49 minutes straight!!!!!! This is something I NEVER EVER thought that I'd be able to claim!
Ok.  Time for the pity-party to end, and I need to plan out my week of working out and classes I will take at the gym.


I'm still pretty pissed at myself though.  :(

Dear jam-making friend (you know who you are),

I need to learn how to portion control the delicious food of the gods--homemade jam.  Seriously. Oh, and believe me--I WILL be licking the plate when the bagel thins are in my belly.

I. LOVE. JAM.

Almost as much as Joey.  Maybe more now that I think about it.
(I would embed this, but the owner of the clip "doesn't allow" embedding.  BAH) So click HERE.

Goals...Rewards...

I changed my weigh-in day to Monday, but I am going to post these now. 
I have been thinking about how to adequately (without going overboard) reward/motivate myself for a while now--and this is what I've come up with.

The first week in 2011= Be on-plan (OP) for one week straight.  Tracking everything. 

(Baby steps...baby steps)

By the numbers....

200 = pedicure/massage

190 =  facial (first time!)

180 = waxing

170 = bellybutton pierced

160 = tattoo

HOLY CRAP : 8K #1 Signed up for!!!

I am COMMITTED!!!
HOLY CRAP!!!

APRIL 17 2010!!

5 K #2 SHAMROCK RUN

Sunday, March 13th!!!

I was too chicken to sign up for the 8K. Oh well.  Goal=improve time from 1st 5K. 

Hosting dinner last night in pictures...only minus the dessert (homemade oreo/andes candies cheesecake) and minus the guests (L's mom and stepdad & stepsister and brother-in-law).

part of the sauce

pureed

baking in oven--yep too big...I ignored my gut.

Homemade french bread. Yep. I rock.

See? Some healthy items!  (Well, the veggies at least.)

L helping make the garlic cheese bread.

Our table.  I am super proud of being a grown-up here!

The lasagna wasn't that great. I am sad at its giant-ness and lack of tomato-y yumminess. I made everything from scratch--including the noodles which was a debacle in itself, but oh well.  This might be the last time I stray from Betty Crocker when making lasagna.  Here is the recipe that I was not impressed with--there was far too much, the directions sucked balls, and maybe I should have added the cinnamon that was called for, but that just creeped me out.  P.S.  Did I mention that there was FAR TOO MUCH?  At least my dessert rocked.  As did the baby arugula salad with yummy vinaigrette here.

Even though I miss WI, miss my little sister and my mom and dad and my friends, I love my kitchen.  I love cooking in my kitchen.  LOVE IT!!!

I am looking forward to the end of the holidays to get back into routines--including tracking points hard-core, working out on a schedule (including classes--my gym is finally starting "Body Pump" classes!), and job hunting/trying to figure out my future.

Happy holidays everyone.  I hope you are all wonderful, safe, and happy with all of your loved ones.

WI Tuesday!

Not accurate--but my scale is still in the mail (and no, I don't like to rhyme).

So I got on the Wii Fit--

224.4



-1.6lbs

WAHOOOOOOO:
-50.6 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!

I never thought I'd ever see that number.  I am so proud of myself.  YAY!!!

I think to celebrate, after I go to the grocery store to get some stuff to make my crock pot chicken salsa, I am going to run outside!!!!!!!  :)

First, and last time...

jogging on the treadmill at the gym.  
YUK.

I even had to walk a couple of times.  First, it is boring.  Even with tvs everywhere, and my podcast playing...I was so BORED.  I couldn't stop looking at the time/distance monitor, and couldn't keep it covered because I was sweating so much I needed my towel. 

I hate it.  I didn't go as far as I'd like, and basically, it sucked. 

Good thing to know. 
This will mean I might have to invest in running rain gear. 

Transitions...

Change is good. I can do this.  I am going home to L--who I miss horrifically. And my cats. And my gym membership.
But I didn't see my mom and dad and friends as much as I'd like.
I am going back to no job and no prospects.

I need to work on not taking on the stress that surrounds me.
I'd like to improve my communication with people I care about and not let guilt wear me down.

And not medicating with food.  I need to think back to how far I've come and how I feel when I am eating right and taking care of myself.  I don't have heartburn (like now) and I don't feel gross and overstuffed.

I will also not get sick.  I know I avoided a number of icky illnesses that went around school--including a puking flu--but just because I am done teaching doesn't mean my body gets to give up and let down its guard and let the gross overcome me.

Just sayin'.

WI from Wisconsin...Last one...

226.0

-1.7

So, since "moving" back to Wisconsin as of August 30 until now, I have lost 25.1 lbs. 
Not too shabby if I do say so myself.  I still have a great amount of work to do back in Oregon, but I am glad I didn't slip back into old habits while being back amongst all the cheesey meaty fried temptation. 

I am putting the scale in a box to ship it back home tomorrow. 

I also decided that I need to set some goals. I think goals and mini-rewards will help me be focused. 

Last night I sat and ate more muddy buddy mix that I made, and tonight my sister and I are splitting a pizza.  I also am avoiding running because A) I was still sore yesterday,  B) IT IS 11 DEGREES (windchill=2 degrees!!!!) and C) the piles of snow are ridonkulous and I will probably have to run in the streets.  But basically, it is cold as heck out there, and I really just want to get back to OR where there is no sub-zero weather of crap.  

But, I am super sad to leave.  ARGH.

I did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me, before the race.

First 5K: 37:24.

My jingle bells!

Yep. Deep.  Deeper than this in some areas!

The snow...this was a cleared section.

Me, after the race.

Mom and I--MOM ROCKED IT!!!

Not going to lie, I am not happy about my time.  Even though it was the fastest I've run since starting the C25K program...my mom WALKED it in 47!!  At least I know that I can do better.  It was super snowy and the path wasn't really cleared, so we were warned that a 5K in the snow was more like a 10K--and my legs agree right now.  Ow.

Counterproductive...

Today I ran for a full 40 minutes. Straight.
It helped that my favorite podcast that I listen to as I jog read an email I wrote on the show today!  Download it here--the show is 12/8 & my email is about 19:16 into the show.  I almost fell over because they actually tease that they are going to read my email at the beginning of the show and they say my full name--I almost fell over when I heard it!!

And then I got back, showered, and started boxing up stuff that I can mail back.  And it hit me that I am leaving soon.  And it sucks.  I will miss living with my sister.  I will miss knowing how close my mom and dad are. I will miss getting to see them or have breakfast or a fish fry with them.  So that sucks.  I miss L like crazy. I miss our nice house and our awesome bed and our amazing kitchen. I miss my car and driving it.  I even miss my gym. But when I get back, I know that I will miss my mom and dad and my sister.  It's never easy is it?

And then, I had 1 point left for the day (which sucks by the way--a large cafe karuba I track as 11 points--which is horrifying, but the cinnamon roll flavor is so beyond delicious, and it is so freeking cold here, it is the perfect drink to start my teaching day).  And my jog was 12 points, but then I ate an egg, 2 egg whites and a bagel thin.  And then I had two bites of my homemade toffee that I made for people at work.  And then I ate two pretzel/Hug wreaths.  And then I ate some puppy chow I made. Keep in mind, these were things I made as gifts.  I wanted to try the puppy chow because I didn't have enough peanut butter so I added a few butterscotch chips. I don't really like the flavor, but what did I do? I gorged myself.  I actually felt myself getting sick, more and more full, and yet I KEPT EATING.  And now I have a stomach ache and I feel yucky and I totally negated my awesome run tonight.  Which is frustrating.  And disheartening.

My first 5K is on Saturday.  Two of my amazing friends are walking it while I run it.  My mom is walking in it (I just found that out via facebook).  I am nervous.

And I REALLY need to get rid of all the homemade baked goodies so I am not even tempted to gorge myself.  BAH.

WI Tuesday from Wisconsin...

Only one more in WI, and then I am back to OR!!!!

227.7

- 2.7

Since WW:  -47.3

back on track...but I need to finish baking goodbye/holiday goodies so I stop munching on them. 

Wow. Almost 50 pounds down!! YAY!

Early present for myself...

I will not disclose how poorly I did on the initial tests for both pushups and situps. 

BAH. 

I really need these programs.  That much is clearly evident. 

Just Found...

These:
100 Pushups
200 Situps

And will complete the initial tests tomorrow. 
Very cool. 

And I made myself run again tonight. In the cold.  YAY ME!

WARNING--random blathering ahead...

Tonight I went for a run.  3rd run after completing C25K.  I feel like I am de-gressing, and I was freezing and heaving and it was HARD to run tonight.  And I didn't even go a full 3 miles in 40 minutes.  GRRRR...I am going to have to work harder.  Maybe I will start jogging every day?  Blargh.  I'll do some research.  I am really worried because my first 5K is next Saturday and I don't think I am ready.   :(

To celebrate the demise of my self esteem I ate horrifically.  Carmel popcorn, a serving of honey mustard pretzels that I don't know the points for anymore because they were pre-measured a long time ago.  And then, to top it off, I ate some boxed mac-n-cheese.  Like I was in college again.  But, I didn't eat the whole box! YAY!  But now I feel disgusting.  I really need to get back to my own kitchen and comfort zone to get back on track again.  I feel like I am slipping--I know that I haven't been 100% on plan and I need to work harder.

And, I am trying to like nuts. Almonds; to be exact.  I know that they are good for me, so I got some sea-salted roasted ones (28 almonds = 5 points in the new plan), and ate some yesterday.  Eh.  Maybe they will grow on me more, but at least they don't make me gag.  And, I was full at lunch after my entree without eating a yogurt. 

Ok. I think that covers all the random ramblings for now!  Happy 1 of December!

WI Tuesday from Wisconsin...

The good with the bad.  Right?

230.4

Argh.

+1.6

And now, with the shift in all point values, recovering will be a challenge.  I'll keep at it.  I can do this.  And--I just found out a good friend started the C25K program!!! Good juju to her!! I am super proud of her!!!

ARGH!! CHANGE?!?!?!?!?!!

So WW is going through a MAJOR change.  My new point total for the day is 36.  Extras for the week=49!!

The point calculator now takes into account fat, carbs, protein, and fiber.

I AM GOING TO HAVE TO RECALCULATE EVERYTHING I EAT. ARGH.

I am currently freaking out because I am going to actually have to start all over.  ARGH.
Change is good. Change is good. I can do this.

One of my favorite days...

Again, as I have mentioned numerous times, I LOVE to bake.  LOVE it!!
Holidays are no exception.
Stressful? Yes.
Relaxing? Yes.

Work in progress 1

Yep. Both in one.

Our kitchen is my second favorite place in our house.  I love all the light, the counter space, our appliances and gadgets, and basically, everything about it.  Cooking is awesome in our kitchen.  It also doesn't hurt that we choose to budget for a housekeeper to clean for us every two weeks, so destroying the kitchen isn't as time-consuming as it would be if we didn't have someone a bit more anal retentive about cleaning attending our grander messes.  This way L and I can hang out and relax on weekends for the most part, rather than spending the time cleaning.

 Most holidays I get to make the pies for any gatherings.  Sometimes I get requests for cupcakes or cookies, and sometimes I just like to surprise.  I know that L's mom loves to bake as much as I do (and she is WAY better at it), so it is nice that she relinquishes the task once in a while to me.

Work in progress 2

This year I made two pies.  I really wanted to make about 50, but I was told 2 max or we would have too many desserts (clearly, these people have not gotten the memo that "too many desserts" as a phrase does not exist in this space-time-continuum).  But, I actually listened...they never said anything about "no magic bars."

So I made a pumpkin pie.  And an apple pie.  And magic bars.  I also made a cobble 2 days before, and that was awesome.  L's going to freeze what he can't finish so I can have some when I get back for good. 

Work in progress 3

Here are my baking photos from my brief stint home.  I am pretty pleased with how everything turned out, and even though I ate far too much, and there is a really good chance that I have gained 10 pounds from unnecessary bad eating of excess, I thought this holiday was a tremendous success.

Pumpkin pie and apple pie are in good 'ole Betty Crocker, and the Magic Bars recipe is: HERE.
And seriously, they were AMAZING.  Absolutely delicious.

My old-school Betty Crocker Cookbook.  The cover is missing, and all the pages are yellowed, but hey, it has taught me some really good things, and has been with me since college.  I think my family got it at a garage sale before I was even born. 

Cobbler large view

Cobbler single serving

Pre-oven pie (filled to capacity)

Pie post-oven...still not sure if I cooked it enough, but it tasted awesome! Fresh ground nutmeg totally makes a difference!!!

Pre-lattice (but with many apples taken out--the mound WAS higher!)

Post lattice. I. Hate. Lattice.

Post Oven. 

Magic Bars--step 4 of 6.

Magic Bars out of oven

Seriously delicious.

Even better than it looked was how YUMMY they tasted. 

Reflections on this wonderful Thanksgiving day...

I went  into this whole lifestyle change for me.  I've been unhappy with how I feel, and unhappy with how I look in the mirror for some time now.  I am my reason and my motivation.  I am not doing it to attract the attention of others, or for anyone outside of myself--a major difference from my previous attempts at changing my lifestyle. 

Do I like the compliments? Heck yes!  But I really like how I feel, and how my clothes fit, and the little things--like not being able to eat so much in one sitting; or realizing what full actually feels like before it is too late; even something little like our regular-sized bath towels at our house fits all the way around me, AND I can walk around in it with no indecent exposure happening. 

These things are motivating for me. 

I have been gone since the end of August, and I haven't seen either set of L's parents since I left.  When L's stepdad saw me he yelled "you're disappearing" and "you look great!" and L's mom said I looked awesome too.  My mom and sister tell me I look fantastic, I love the support I am getting from my friends back in WI and the readers of my blog (thank you!!!),  and L says he liked me just the way I was--but he now calls me skinny (even though I know I still have a ways to go to be deemed "skinny"--just ask the stupid Wii fit weigh-in).  When I was here in OR last, L's stepsister and step-brother in law didn't outwardly note any change in my appearance--and that was totally fine with me.  Again, I am doing this for me. 

Today I saw L's dad and stepmom and brother for the first time since August.  My hair was all curly--I looked GOOD.  But not one word. From anyone. 

Again--not a big deal--I am doing this for me.  Just an interesting study in differing personalities. 

Other things of note...This week has pretty much gone to hell. Which means I will have to work even harder to work off the damage this week.  I did run on Tuesday, and I am going to try to run tomorrow too (if it isn't raining).  Here are some of my eating debacles:

• I made a homemade fresh peach/fresh blueberry/fresh cherry cobbler.  I've had about 2 servings so far. 
• Giant plate of pasta with butter (too much) and parm cheese from the jar (aka--not the good kind). (I was really craving mac-n-cheese--and there wasn't any in the house. I thought I could make an adequate replacement--but I used too much butter (never thought I'd EVER say that), and it was too much--but did I throw it out and not eat it all? Nope. I totally ate it, even though I wasn't that hungry, nor did it taste good.  I am pretty disappointed in that choice.)
• Delicious chinese food (chicken lo mein maybe one cup and 6 crab puffs--ok, THAT was totally out of control--really really not a good decision).  
• Kix cereal.  Not measured.  (I've been measuring food--especially cereal since I started back up with WW--it is a bad idea to not measure).

Dinner at a South American cuisine restaurant:

• hummus (black bean) w/pita triangles
• salad with interesting dressing (claimed "caesar," but there was roasted corn, pickled red onions, and a sweet/savory bite to it--delicious, but not what I would connect with the name it was given on the menu.)
• Bread--far too much bread--(5 slices? Maybe more) with this amazing butter spread
• 2 mini-crab cakes
• shared a chocolate dulce de leche cake with everyone--but I was tricked into ordering it.  But it was damn good. Worth every bite. 

Today's restaurant Thanksgiving:

• cheese fondue w/bread cubes and pretzel
• Chicken schnitzel (not breaded) mashed potatoes, roasted garlic, and portabella mushrooms
• Sourdough roll w/a little butter
• bite of L's brother's spaetzel
• 2 bites of L's AWESOME prime rib
• slice of pumpkin cheesecake 
• slice of new york cheesecake
•  real whip cream.  

The last three items were unnecessary and put me over the edge in full.  I wanted to have the strawberry pizza from the restaurant, but L's dad had bought two cheesecakes.  I should have only had one piece too.  And no whip cream.  I am pretty disgusted as I type this at what I ate for dessert, but I will just have to remember this in the future. 
I also made L chocolate chip cookies tonight.  I had one to make sure it was ok, but I am regretting it now. I am still full from dinner.  I didn't even eat any dough--which is unheard of when I bake cookies for L--because I was so full.  I wish I wouldn't have eaten that cookie!

Thanks for reading my Thanksgiving rambling! I hope that you had a magnificent Thanksgiving.  I feel so split down the middle--I am glad I was able to be here in OR for Thanksgiving, but I also miss my mom and dad and sister back in WI.  I think this is how things will continue to be as long as I am on this coast.  It's just something I will have to cope with on a regular basis! 

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving dinner at L's mom and stepdad's house.  I am in charge of pies (YAY!!!!!!!), and I am going to make a pumpkin and an apple.  I will try not to overdo it--but homemade is always so much better--Maybe I'll just go on some sort of fast/cleanse when I get back to WI...
The only problem with that is the limited "fast' ingredients of quality in lowly central Wisconsin.  In winter. 
Blargh. I just realized I am going back to snow too.  Yuk. Oh well.  One more month!!

Measurements

Since my scale is back in WI, my weigh-in will wait until next week.  I did, however, do my measurements. 

Here are the results:

Arms: -2 inches
Hips: -5 inches
Bust: -7 inches
Waist: -6 inches
Thighs: -2.5 inches

So, if you do the math, this equals:

-22.5 inches

from MY body.



Holy crap. That ROCKS.  YAY ME!!!

It's official...

Dear XXXXX,

Thank you for registering for the Arthritis Foundation's 2010 Jingle Bell Run/Walk - Wausau, WI.

Wausau Center
Saturday, December 11, 2010
8 AM Registration
9 AM 5K Run/Walk

YIKES!!!

I did it.  I am officially registered for my first 5K run.

Holy crap, I can't believe that I just typed that.

And now, I have to do it. Everyone knows.  Well, at least the 11 people who read this.

Any donations would be much appreciated (click here)--this is a really good cause--one that is very close to my family!!

Something small...

I used to drink incessant amounts of juice.  Love, love love love juice.  Mainly orange, but sometimes orange/mango or ruby red (until I read Fast Food Nation and found out that bugs were what gives it the pink color.  awesome.), sometimes even cranberry, as long as it had Vitamin C.

I've decreased my juice intake to zero since starting WW.  Before WW, cost was initially the reason, but now it is because I'd rather not drink my points. I'd rather eat an apple or mango or one chip for the points (maybe not the one chip, but you get the idea).  I've missed it.  Especially when I am sick, or think I am going to get sick.  That was my go-to food of choice.

My sister has been horrifically sick.  The people she works with at the hospital have also been sick--the number of call-in-sick has increased dramatically the last few days.  I slept a good chunk of the day today--now that could just be because I am exhausted, but I am not taking any chances.  AND then at the store tonight I saw this:

AND IT WAS EVEN ON SALE!!!  YAY!!!
I just pounded 2 cups for 2 points and I feel better already!!

Well, not really, I feel full and bloated with juice, but it is better than being full of the chocolate covered pretzels that I made today.

Ah, the little things!!

WI Tuesday from Wisconsin...

I made sure it was really early this morning...

I am not totally thrilled about this, but considering the debauchery this past weekend, I am pretty pleased with this total:

227.7

-.9 lbs.


Total since WW=  -39.3lbs


This week will be good.
Maybe.  I burnt through my budget on the Saturday night of debauchery, and don't have money for normal rations this week (yogurt, lettuce, etc.).  What is around the house at my sister's isn't totally on plan (like last night when I got home from conferences I ate a plate of tortilla chips with low fat cheese melted over the top with some hummus on the side.  Pathetic.), but I still need to make some lunches prior to the morning of.  It is hard to be motivated though--I am tired and ready to go back home. I also didn't run last night (conferences got me home at 7:10), so I will have to run tonight--which throws off the week.  I won't run tomorrow (this is week 9--30 minutes straight now!), and I can't run Thursday (more conferences), so this week is really wonky.  

And, I am counting down the days until I get leave again for OR--L found "reasonable" airfare for me to get home for Thanksgiving, so I will get to go home in 6 days!  I will get to make pies and bake and YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm excited.

PANTS!

Not going to lie. I am pretty darn excited.   I got a pair of size 18 Levi's today--and they fit like a glove.  FYI the last pair of jeans I bought were a size 22 Silver and a size 22 Levi's. 


YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day by day by day. I can do this!!!

WI Tuesday from Wisconsin...

DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!!!







228.6!!!!!!!!!



-38.4 pounds since starting WW!!

I know that running has really been helping.  I also know that even minor slip-ups are ok, as long as I don't go back to ALL.THE.TIME. unhealthyness. 

I also had to decrease my point intake with the new weight--I am down to 30 points a day!!!!



YAY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things I can not have. Or buy. Or look at.

What I've learned about this week:

Do not go to any store when I am craving a snack.  If I do stop at a store, do not buy ANYTHING remotely snacky.  i.e. Dark Chocolate Peppermint Bark or Nacho Doritos. 
Because, unfortunately, if I do not portion things out immediately, I will eat incessantly.  Even if I'm not hungry. Even if I feel disgusting afterwards.  I ate an entire bag of Doritos that I bought last night between driving 25 minutes and breakfast this morning.  YUK.  Yes, I ran, but I still feel disgusting.  And my stomach hurts.  That also might have something to do with almost eating the full bar of dark chocolate peppermint bark. 

See, I really think that the bag of muddy buddy chex mix that I ate on the plane messed me up.  I have been craving them ever since, and I keep stopping at stores to see if they have muddy buddy chex mix--and they don't, so I buy something else.  And nothing that I eat is the same as the muddy buddy mix.  Yes, I could make some--but that would be even worse!

I have been mildly out of control--ate a home-cooked meal (including homemade apple pie with sugar free icecream), and pizza (thin crust cheese) and cheesey garlic bread (only 1 1/2 pieces)....

I am not beating myself up about my poor choices, merely reflecting and reminding myself about how I feel when I get out of control.  And right now I feel gross.  YUK.

I do feel better after running, but I really need some sort of cleanse or detox from the gross.

WI Tuesday from Wisconsin...

Late...and with a heavy heart after losing my grandpa Monday night. 


I am very surprised by this, but maybe my metabolism is kicking in...I hope so.  The hard work is paying off little by little and it feels AWESOME.

230.5

-4.3

Total since starting WW:
-36.5

YAY me!

Dear points,

I know that you have been supremely helpful since the end of July.  You have allowed me to fit into pants that I haven't been able to wear before (why I own them, that is another story). Also, when I visited my old school to drop off letters of recommendation for previous students, everyone who saw me commented on how great I look, and one of my old students even asked if I had lost weight.  It was definitely the mini-ego boost I needed. 
BUT, I am home here in OR for only 2 full days--3 nights.  I just ate a chocolate chip waffle that L made for me, and this morning I may have eaten 2 strawberry toaster strudels.  And last night, I may have attended Red Robin and had 2 fried cheese sticks and the chicken ciabatta sandwich.  And fries.  With ranch.  And, on the plane, I might have ate an entire bag of muddy buddy chex mix.  And I also might have had an Einstein asiago bagel with egg whites and maybe a cinnamelt from McDonald's for breakfast at the airport yesterday.

Ok.  Sunday it stops, but I so understand now how and why I have such a weight issue. I am fully aware that I am making unhealthy choices, and it doesn't have to be THIS bad, so I will have to dial it down some. 

WI Tuesday from Wisconsin...

234.8!!!


-2.4


Total since starting WW= -32.2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY ME!!!

WI Tuesday from Wisconsin...

237.2

-1.6

-29.8 total since starting WW

Not too shabby if I do say so myself.  Especially after the Toppers and Taco Bell debacle.

How I grieve...Part III (& not as healthy choices)

So, after yesterday's sleeping marathon, I happened to get an email from my mom about my grandpa being in the hospital.  His kidneys aren't doing what they should and he tore a tendon in a bicep from falling.

Grandpa in the hospital today.

I went today at about 11:30 this morning.  Thought we could watch the Packer game together and chill.  Well, he wasn't in the room when I got there so I had a mini-panic attack, but he was only getting an MRI.  And then, at about 1PM, the doctor came in.

My grandpa is dying and doesn't have much more time.  The levels of whatever it is that the doctor was telling me about were ridonkulous.  The doctor said that if he or I had those same levels in our systems, we'd be pools of jelly.  The kidney thing has been a problem for quite a while for my grandpa to have adapted to the point that he is still normally functioning and actually himself with such atrocious levels of whatever it is that it is.

The doctor also told my grandpa that it is the beginning of the end.  That of all the ways to go, this was one of the more peaceful/painless ways.  He admitted it was morbid, but grandpa has been alive for 94 years, and doesn't want dialysis, and it is the reality.  I appreciated that.  I don't appreciate what this is doing to my mom or my sister.  I knew that after we lost gramma, grandpa wouldn't want to hang on much longer, I just didn't expect to be so shortly after.
Initially, my blog today was going to be about how much I miss my gramma, and wondering if I would always feel like crap on Sundays now that this was the day I lost gramma.  And how I saw a beautiful hawk nosedive into a truck in front of me on the highway and I saw him twitch and die, and how I just bawled after seeing that.
But now I am losing my last grandparent. I have school tomorrow, and am just not totally functioning.  And then, for dinner, I made one of the shittiest decisions and ate the following:

And though it was comforting and warm and wonderful (I only ate 1/2 the topperstix and 1/2 the quesadilla), I recorded the points and now feel disgusting.  Worth it? Nope.  I knew it wouldn't be, but I did it anyway. I really have to work on that.

Reflections and Explanations

I haven't been posting as often as I'd like.  That is for sure.  BUT, I also haven't been cooking much.  I won't lie, my budget is super tight, I am working extremely hard subbing (which I hadn't planned), and I can't seem to find the time/energy to really go to town with experimenting with recipes.
I also might have needed some time for me much more desperately than I thought--today I slept.  The entire day.  I got home last night and slept from about 12:30-8.  Then ate a snack.  Slept from about 8:30-10:30.  Puttzed on the computer.  Slept from  11:30-2:30.  Tried to get motivated to get up and run.  Fell back asleep from 3:00-6.  My sister woke me up to say goodbye, and asked if I had even gotten up at all.  Then I fell back asleep from about 6:30-8.  And I am looking forward to going back to bed now that I had a decent meal that didn't consist of Quaker Cheddar mini-popcorn cakes. 

I am just really hoping with my whole being that I AM NOT GETTING SICK.

This is my exciting life.  During the week, add to the sleeping-- planning for my students, reading their writing, driving, and packing my lunches and that is what things have become.  I haven't been able to visit my grandpa as much as I'd like--and to be honest, it is still really hard to go there. 

One thing that I am VERY proud of though is how I am eating at school.  Lunch, while a pain in the butt to get ready every day, is my redeeming positive at the moment.
I know that WW sometimes sucks people into habits that become repetitive and boring.  For me, if I find something I am really enjoying, I don't mind the repetitiveness.  If it is working, I will keep doing it.

My lunches as of late:
1 yogurt (Yoplait light: Key Lime, Apricot Mango, Very Cherry, Strawberry Kiwi, Harvest Peach, Apple Turnover) --2 points
1 or 1/2 serving of Old Dutch Pretzel Rods--one serving = 32 rods (yep, all pre-counted and pre-bagged the night before)-1 serving = 2 points
1/2 c fat free cottage cheese with salt and pepper --I love the mini gladware containers--they are the perfect size to hold this portion.  = 1.5 points
locally processed/harvested turkey bacon--the slices are mini, but I still count them the same as processed turkey bacon--3 slices = 2 points
1 apple--usually honeycrisp--bigger and not mealy, but they cost MUCHO DINERO.  (1.99/lb!)  So, I tried a jongald (sp.), and it was good too.  I pre-slice it and bag it.  =2 points (it is a bigger apple)
Sometimes:
flatout wrap (light) =1point + turkey slices (1 point) + 1 Tbsp. Parmesan cheese (.5 pt.) + dijion mustard (0 pt)
WW string cheese 1 piece = 1 pt
Leftover of some sort--like hashbrown casserole 

This is after having a bagel thin for breakfast (1 pt.) and a coke zero.

I saw two of my friends from grad school yesterday, and they noticed and complimented me that I look different and that my shirt was baggy (it might have been because it was a XXL, but I didn't tell them!), and I am hoping to lose 10 more pounds before the end of the month--I get to go back to OR for the weekend.  You have no idea how excited I am.  Or how much I need to see L. And my cats.  And drive my car.

Ok.  I am going to take a shower and go back to bed.  I have to be more productive tomorrow.  I procrastinated with my homework for my online grad class again, and I have student work to read and planning to do.  Just not tonight.

WI Tuesday from Wisconsin...

238.8

+.5

Not as bad as I thought, and I have a Friday coming up with friends, so I need to be totally on track this week.  I'd like to lose about 10 more pounds before I go back to OR at the end of the month...not really realistic, but I can try.

How I grieve...Part II

Ok. I need to sit and write, but my life has taken a crazy turn.
I won't lie.  Weigh-in tomorrow is going to suck.  I am pretty sure I've gained because of the "splurging" I've done.  L flew in last Tuesday, and I happened to eat ice cream Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.  :(  Definitely a food I must stay away from.  I just want more and more and more.

He left Saturday, and I consoled myself with a Belt's flurry of homemade peanutbutter cups and m&ms.  Yum.

Yeah.  Definitely NOT WW friendly.

But, my efforts will be stalled because of the excess.  Also the bag of chips I ate in the last two days. In two sittings. In the car. Driving back.  YUK.

The one positive?  I've kept up C25K.  I start WEEK 6 on Wednesday!! Today I ran a full 20 minutes! I wanted to die, and I am pretty sure I have NEVER ran that long for the full time, but I did it!! YAY!

WI Tuesday from Wisconsin...

 A little later than I'd like--but oh well.

238.3!!!

-2.4lbs.
YAY ME.  I guess.

How I grieve...Part I: Acorn Squash and Cheddar Garlic Biscuits

Honey (top) & Maple Syrup (bottom)

I'm not going to lie, my gramma LOVED to eat.  She loved food, and loved to bake.  She was definitely a food pusher, all the way up to the end, and I know that my portion control/lack of ability to recognize fullness comes from her.  She always let us know that we were welcome to eat ANYTHING we wanted to when we were visiting, and even when I would explain that I had joined WW and was trying to be careful with what I ate, she still offered me bites of her dessert (and meal) when I'd sit with her as she ate to help her.  
Last night, after spending the day with her, I went for a LONG jog/walk.  Today, when I got back after she passed, I started these two recipes in order to fight the urge to get in my car and drive to Culvers and then Belts (an amazing ice cream local joint).  


I've never had acorn squash.  I've also only made pancakes with Bisquick. But I needed to do something, because going to bed at 4:30 in the afternoon just isn't a good solution. 


(**Note after eating.  Dear Acorn Squash, I love you.  A great deal.  YUM!)
Acorn Squash
Pre heat oven to 375 - 400 degrees F.
Scoop the seeds out of each half with a spoon
1 Tbsp. butter
1 tsp. honey (on one half)
1 tsp. maple syrup (on the other half)
1 tsp. brown sugar--each half
salt and pepper
Place upright on a greased cookie sheet and roast for about 1 hour or until tender when flesh is poked with a fork. (I used a glass bread tin)

Each half = 3 pts. each

Pre-oven

Cheddar-Garlic Biscuits (recipe halved as per the Bisquick box)
Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

Post-oven.

1 c reduced fat Bisquick
1/3 c skim milk
1/4 c shredded reduced fat cheddar cheese
garlic powder
minced garlic (my addition--I super-heart garlic)
Bake 8-10 minutes (recipe suggested on a cookie sheet, but I used a muffin tin)
6 biscuits: 2 pts. each

My dinner! I ate the Maple Syrup one--YUM!!

Dessert= Moonstruck Chocolate Pumpkin Pie Truffle.  OMG. TO. DIE. FOR.  YUM.  Totally worth 2 points!!!

The biscuit was a little dry, but really, they hit the spot, and for two points, I'm not complaining. 

And that was all.

Gramma Winter 2009

Gramma playing bingo Summer 2010

Gramma died right before kickoff.  She wasn't much of a football fan anyway.  She is finally at peace, but that doesn't make it any easier.  I know that I need to not be so selfish, and not medicate with food (if I ever get my appetite back).

If I can make it through this, I am way stronger than I thought.

I never thought it could be this bad, but it is.  My gramma is in the process of dying.  I am pretty sure she is in the final stages, yesterday she was unresponsive and almost comatose, but today she is alert and moaning and sweating and asking for help and anxious, but can squeeze my hand and say that she loves me back.  But seeing her in pain and upset is beyond upsetting, and I worry about my mom.  She shouldn't see this.  No one should.  Thank goodness for the awesome caregivers here at the assisted living facility that she lives in.  They love her.  All of them came in yesterday before they left for the day to say goodbye--and then came to see her this morning to say hello.  It is such a blessing.

Corn Pancakes

Or....breakfast for dinner...

Thanks again to Krista for this recipe/idea.  I halved her recipe, and took the gluten-free part out, and ate all the pancakes for dinner tonight with a tsp. of butter.  Maple syrup would have been awesome, but I was out of points after the large amount that the entire batch monopolized.

Corn Pancakes (dairy free, egg free)

1/2 cup cornmeal
1/4 cup whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
2/3 cup plain rice milk
1 tablespoons honey
1/2 tablespoon oil

Combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl.  Stir in the milk and oil.  Mix well and cook as usual. 
I got about 4 pancakes (big!) and the total points for the batch is 14 points.

Crock Pot Awesomeness (my title, Krista's idea)

Dear Krista,

I super-heart you times ten. 

While my version turned out slightly different, this meal was awesome, hearty, and super-perfect for a chilly fall evening/morning!
AND...my sister liked it too!! (not a minor feat let me tell you!)

Here is Krista's version:  check it out!

And here is mine:

YUM

Crock Pot Awesomeness
2 Honeycrisp Apples cut up (these were pretty big apples--grown in WI too!!)
2 Sweet potatoes scrubbed and cut up
1 yellow onion cut up
6 whole cloves of garlic
4 boneless skinless chicken thighs
4 drumsticks (they still had the bones and skin)  (*I was really looking for white meat since my sister doesn't like dark meat, but I wound up buying this chicken because it was from local free-range chicken farms that don't use artificial anything. While expensive for my limited budget at the moment, the extra money spent really is worth it to me--especially after watching Food Inc.)
Cinnamon (GENEROUS amount shaken all over the different "layers")
Put all components into crock pot (I pretty much STUFFED the crock pot to maximum capacity), layering the different ingredients with shakes of cinnamon.
I put the dish in the refrigerator overnight (I prepped all of this the night before), took it out before I left the house in the morning (at 6:25 am), and my sister had some when I got home at 6:45 pm and it was PERFECT.  The meat fell apart, and the flavor was incredible.  Hearty, sweet (but not too sweet), and a little savory all in one.  YUM.
Mine reminds me of a stew--much more liquidy than I anticipated (thank goodness I didn't add any liquid!! Thanks Krista!), but totally forkable.
And beyond easy.

My sister estimated we will get about 10 servings from what I made.
10 servings=3pts. per serving.  FRIGGEN AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WI Tuesday from Wisconsin...

Drumroll please..........................................

240.7


-1.8!!!!!!!!!!!


Not too shabby even with a fish fry night, and not as much working out as I'd like.  YAY ME!!!

Total since starting WW:  -26.3!!

Meatloaf Muffins: Delay of Post!

When I saw this recipe I was intrigued--individual portions of protein-filled yummy-ness!  I made these two weeks ago, I just haven't gotten around to posting.  Not having my good camera, nor my normal computer is a bummer. 

And they were easy to make, and they tasted great.  They didn't dry out (it could have been because of all my added veggies), and didn't even need ketchup.  They are super low in points, and I will DEFINITELY make them again. 

Mushrooms and Onions!

Mixing everything together in my sister's too small of a bowl.  Grrrr..

Turkey Meatloaf Muffins

1 lb of ground turkey
1 box of dry Stovetop Turkey Stuffing
1 cup of water
1 egg(or 1/4c egg substitute...less points)  (I used one egg)
(My additions:  1 onion and one package of mushrooms sauteed with olive oil and garlic)

Mix it all up thoroughly..I got my hands dirty on this one to make sure the stuffing mix got mixed in really well. Spray tin with PAM...drop meatloaf mixture into 12 count muffin tin. Bake on 400 degrees for 15-20 minutes.
(I topped some with ketchup for my sister, and left the other plain pre-baking. )

I miss my good camera! Ketchup wasn't needed!!