Update: pity-party, removal of head from buttocks, and hopeful end of said pity-party.

I actually got on the scale this morning.  I didn't mean to, but I had an atrocious migraine and thought that seeing large numbers on the dreaded scale might cheer me up (can you hear the facetiousness dripping from my voice?)...

So, even though I don't think it is totally accurate (since I have been sustaining myself with Coke Zero and Mint Oreos), I am down -.2lbs and am at 218.9. 

Minor victory, but I am not celebrating. And, I know that a loss is a loss, but for me it isn't.  There are too many other factors impacting any success I have. 

I need to pull myself out of this funk I find myself in.  I have supportive people in my life--including some awesome women who post amazing encouragement here--and I need to genuinely think of the good things when I fall into gloomy-pants-land rather than going to bad habits. 

How I have been dealing with my funk the past week?  Oreos, Chips, not enough water, fruits, or veggies, not tracking anything I am eating, and overall, back to my bad habits that put me at 275+. 

I haven't even been working out with gusto.  Which makes me sad. I liked how I felt with the gusto.

My goals for April fell very short, and I think that triggered the beginning of the out-of-control.  I am trying to reign myself in slowly, and stories like Beth's are inspiring, but feel so completely unattainable at this point.  And add to that PMS, unemployment, loss of unemployment money (don't even get me started with this), and then being chosen as an "Honored Educator" by a former student at my former school when I am not teaching, and you get super-pity party in my house. 

I have been avoiding blogging because of my pity-party, not to mention avoiding friends, phone calls, and other things that actually bring me face-to-face with the outside world, but I need to knock it off.  Things could ALWAYS be worse. I need to take life as it comes, be more positive, and not be so hard on myself.  I can reflect the hell out of what I am going through, but I need to work MUCH harder at taking ACTION on what I need to do. 

Ok. End of pity-party. 

Or at least first steps toward the end...