Dude...

I made snickerdoodle cupcakes.  With this frosting...

Wow.

Snickerdoodle Cupcakes (24 cupcakes)

• 1 1/2 C granulated sugar, divided
• 1/2 C boiling water
• 2 eggs, separated
• 2 1/4 C all-purpose flour
• 1 T baking powder
• 1 t salt
• 1/2 C (1 stick) butter, softened
• 1 t vanilla
• 1 C milk

1. Heat 1/2 C sugar in heavy 8-inch skillet over medium heat, stirring constantly, until sugar is melted and golden brown.
2. Reduce heat to low.
3. Gradually add boiling water into sugar mixture; continue cooking until sugar is dissolved, stirring constantly. You need to stir really quickly here to keep the sugar from glomming up.
4. Beat egg whites in medium bowl at medium speed with electric mixer until soft peaks form.
5. Gradually add 1/2 C granulated sugar, beating at high speed until stiff peaks form; set aside.
6. Combine flour, baking powder and salt in medium bowl; set aside.
7. Beat butter and remaining 1/2 C sugar in large bowl until light and fluffy.
8. Beat in egg yolks and vanilla extract.
9. Gradually add sugar syrup, mixing until well blended.
10. Add dry ingredients to butter mixture alternately with milk, beating well after each addition.
11. Fold in egg white mixture.
12. Fill cupcake liners halfway full.
13.  375 F for 20 minutes--Too long, they were overcooked.   (I didn't do the cookie baked in like the original poster did, but I might try that next time.)

Cinnamon Cream Cheese Frosting

• 8 oz cream cheese, room temperature
• 1/4 C (half stick) butter, room temperature
  
• 1 t vanilla extract or vanilla bean paste
• 1 1/2 tsp cinnamon (add more to taste)
  
• 2-3 C powdered sugar (add more or less to make it a stiffness that you like)

1. Mix cream cheese and butter well.
2. Add vanilla and cinnamon.
3. Add powdered sugar.

I know, I know.  I am getting back on the wagon tomorrow with my weigh-in day.  I am tired of the gaining of the weight.  Company was coming for dinner, so I wanted to try a new recipe.  Yum.

WI Wednesday

And not exciting on my front. 

222.2

Yep.  +3.3 

Argh.  I really need to be more...everything.  Track better, workout more, eat better. 

I am proud that after an emotional event I didn't go and get Cinnamon rolls and fast food.  I ate a pear.  YAY me.

A post of random...

I've been reading:
Kelle's blog- and I don't want kids!! Her family, of course, is beautiful, and reading about Nella's developments and how Lainey is growing up is a pleasant escape for me.  Foreign, but an escape that I love.  Plus, she is a good writer.
Lisa's blog--she updates more, and it is awesome for me because she actually lives in PDX.  I love that her posts are so varying, and she too is a good writer.
Beth's blog--I am envious of her success, and hopeful that I could attain her levels of success via WW.  She just hit her goal weight after 2+ years.  Pretty effing cool.

I've been creating homemade STDs (Save the Dates--you oh so gross readers out there!):
(I'll post pictures once I mail them out and people get them, I'd like them to be a semi-surprise!)

I've been working on designing our invitations and learning how to use Adobe Illustrator.  It isn't as easy as I thought, and I am definitely NOT a graphic designer, and I have a great deal more respect for those gifted with such abilities. 

I've been searching Etsy for ideas for baby gifts I can make my pregnant amazing friend--she who is the first of us "grad-school girls" who took the leap and is going to have a baby later this summer. And wedding ideas--I really, really, really want a giant tu-tu....that's purple.

I've been working out.  Getting back on the wagon of really enjoying the power I feel when I am active and consistently working out.

I've been antsy and in need of projects.  Today I made three loaves of bread (1 banana--new recipe) and 2 oatmeal--my grandpa's that was his mom's.  I play football with a couple who is getting married later this summer, and they asked me if I could help with their wedding website.  HECK YES!! So I have started on that...(I'll link to it when there is more than blank pages!)

I've been applying for any job I can.  I am getting desperate.  OR cut off my unemployment, and I can't get emergency benefits because I worked in WI.  WI now is paying me unemployment, but it is a $53 cut.  I hate money.

I've been getting rejected from jobs.  I am not qualified to be a customer service rep for Netflix, clean in a hospital, or be a secretary/file in a law office. 

So.  That's what I have been up to.  I need to drink more water, write more, make a decision about future academic pursuits (change in career? grad school in English?), and keep working out.  I need to track my food consistently, and avoid the grocery store after I work out.  Seriously, it is the devil.

Finally,  I'd like to shout out to those of you still reading.  Thank you to my friends, and to the other random readers out there.  Your support and encouragement, and just knowing you are there means a great deal to me.  Thank you!!!!

:) Sunshine

WI Wednesday

218.9

same. 

I know why, and I know what I need to do. 
At least I am still working out!

Celebrations with my Polar

Football practice (5/4).

WillPower and Grace on Friday (5/13)

Body Pump (5/3)

Update: pity-party, removal of head from buttocks, and hopeful end of said pity-party.

I actually got on the scale this morning.  I didn't mean to, but I had an atrocious migraine and thought that seeing large numbers on the dreaded scale might cheer me up (can you hear the facetiousness dripping from my voice?)...

So, even though I don't think it is totally accurate (since I have been sustaining myself with Coke Zero and Mint Oreos), I am down -.2lbs and am at 218.9. 

Minor victory, but I am not celebrating. And, I know that a loss is a loss, but for me it isn't.  There are too many other factors impacting any success I have. 

I need to pull myself out of this funk I find myself in.  I have supportive people in my life--including some awesome women who post amazing encouragement here--and I need to genuinely think of the good things when I fall into gloomy-pants-land rather than going to bad habits. 

How I have been dealing with my funk the past week?  Oreos, Chips, not enough water, fruits, or veggies, not tracking anything I am eating, and overall, back to my bad habits that put me at 275+. 

I haven't even been working out with gusto.  Which makes me sad. I liked how I felt with the gusto.

My goals for April fell very short, and I think that triggered the beginning of the out-of-control.  I am trying to reign myself in slowly, and stories like Beth's are inspiring, but feel so completely unattainable at this point.  And add to that PMS, unemployment, loss of unemployment money (don't even get me started with this), and then being chosen as an "Honored Educator" by a former student at my former school when I am not teaching, and you get super-pity party in my house. 

I have been avoiding blogging because of my pity-party, not to mention avoiding friends, phone calls, and other things that actually bring me face-to-face with the outside world, but I need to knock it off.  Things could ALWAYS be worse. I need to take life as it comes, be more positive, and not be so hard on myself.  I can reflect the hell out of what I am going through, but I need to work MUCH harder at taking ACTION on what I need to do. 

Ok. End of pity-party. 

Or at least first steps toward the end...

Note...

My sister is in town.
I haven't been eating right.
My knee is pretty effed, but I am living in the land of denial.
I am not weighing in today.  Or this week. 
I suck.

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